[january.28.2008.11:25pm]
"...she was a dark skinned girl with pretty cornrows,
she was doing her best to try and hide that scar..."
-raphael saadiq
i want her to have what i have found;
to be courageous enough to disarm the
arsenol that guards her heart;
for her to trust in love as i know it;
as it is to be made and kept.
i want to replace her heartache;
replace it with fulfillment of self;
want to erase the pain from her aways;
for love to allow her to
choose joy in her speech.
i want her to look in the
mirror and see the person i see;
wish she were good at mathematics
because then shed know the
true value of her self worth,
her net worth weighed in love;
i want her to smile like she means it;
for her to know the faux ones hurt most.
i want her to free her heart of doubt;
secure her mind in a love to be not sought after,
but found;
for her to never give him the authority
to dictate who, when, how,
why she loves the way she will;
i want her to give contentment
permission to live within.
i want her to know i admire her more ways than one;
in ways she thinks light of;
for her to never feel as though the next time is doomed;
i want her to potentially soon believe in bride and groom,
but only when my wants for her becomes her necessities...
because i can want all i want for her,
but only juhlisa can want the need to set
herself free when need be.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
words unheard
[january.24.2008.2:25pm]
silence forces its
way down a throat
that struggles to
unscramble words
too afraid to be
spoken out of a
mouth that allows
uncertainty to
discourage two
tremblings lips to
part and give way to
a voice of a child
left unheard...
eyes forever holding
contact with the floor,
eyes thatre forever
finding security in
crying exclusively in
the places that light
cant touch...
silence forces its
way down a throat
that struggles to
unscramble words
too afraid to be
spoken out of a
mouth that allows
uncertainty to
discourage two
tremblings lips to
part and give way to
a voice of a child
left unheard...
eyes forever holding
contact with the floor,
eyes thatre forever
finding security in
crying exclusively in
the places that light
cant touch...
nicole
[january.24.2008.2:15pm]
"memories on corners with the..."
-common
she offered her
slabs of concrete
to us as our
territory,
slabs of concrete
that rose with
the earth;
sloped with our
fearless thrill
seeking children
bravery.
the gas station
marked her beginning,
the corner store
signaled her end;
everything in
between we pissed,
spat and stomped on.
nicole didnt have
a pool for us to
frolick in,
but the hydrant up
top was all ours...
even when the
fire department
came to place
claims on water
that didnt belong
to them either.
nicole made it
so that having
a dollar a day
equated to being
wealthy at our
naive age.
she didnt require
parent supervision
as most city parks
displayed signs of.
the limp metal
fences that
enclosed yards
of balding earth
were zoo cages;
every other
yard wed see
an assortment
of canines;
our rottweiler
never failed to
bark at these
often vicious beasts.
nicole watched over
our lives when our
carelessness grew
to be victorious
of our caution that
never existed.
she molded herself
into every landscape
that our young minds
envisioned.
her street lamps
didnt act as warnings
telling us to return
home;
wed just subtract
more distance between
us and the porch.
her empty hallways
tickled our voices
into echoes that most
times shoulve been
whispers.
nicoles apple
trees were often
fruitless
year round,
but fruitful
became of our
laughter as
we fought,
cursed and didnt
give a fuck as did
our parents and
older siblings
cared a fuck
less about us.
"memories on corners with the..."
-common
she offered her
slabs of concrete
to us as our
territory,
slabs of concrete
that rose with
the earth;
sloped with our
fearless thrill
seeking children
bravery.
the gas station
marked her beginning,
the corner store
signaled her end;
everything in
between we pissed,
spat and stomped on.
nicole didnt have
a pool for us to
frolick in,
but the hydrant up
top was all ours...
even when the
fire department
came to place
claims on water
that didnt belong
to them either.
nicole made it
so that having
a dollar a day
equated to being
wealthy at our
naive age.
she didnt require
parent supervision
as most city parks
displayed signs of.
the limp metal
fences that
enclosed yards
of balding earth
were zoo cages;
every other
yard wed see
an assortment
of canines;
our rottweiler
never failed to
bark at these
often vicious beasts.
nicole watched over
our lives when our
carelessness grew
to be victorious
of our caution that
never existed.
she molded herself
into every landscape
that our young minds
envisioned.
her street lamps
didnt act as warnings
telling us to return
home;
wed just subtract
more distance between
us and the porch.
her empty hallways
tickled our voices
into echoes that most
times shoulve been
whispers.
nicoles apple
trees were often
fruitless
year round,
but fruitful
became of our
laughter as
we fought,
cursed and didnt
give a fuck as did
our parents and
older siblings
cared a fuck
less about us.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
mother
emotionally raped of my innocence;
mentally fucked for my sanity;
unjustly kidnapped of my childhood;
physically disregarded and abandoned.
your hugs are strangers to me;
soft soothing words are unheard.
youre responsible for the child i
never was given the chance to become,
responsible for the fetus that rests
in my psyches womb,
lying unloved as a stillborn.
i learned to use lies
as self preservation...
[to be continued]
mentally fucked for my sanity;
unjustly kidnapped of my childhood;
physically disregarded and abandoned.
your hugs are strangers to me;
soft soothing words are unheard.
youre responsible for the child i
never was given the chance to become,
responsible for the fetus that rests
in my psyches womb,
lying unloved as a stillborn.
i learned to use lies
as self preservation...
[to be continued]
[january.23.2008.4:32pm]
sultry syllables and
vulgar vowels slip
from in between my
lips as youre seeking
refuge of yourself
deeply in the wet
walls of solace that
is provided from my
slit and there,
my lips tightly wrap
themselves around the
surface of a softness
of a skin thats
displayed as the
physical manifestation
of an erect adrenaline rush,
but rush you do not
as you taunt time to
be stretched as i am
becoming and coming
i came in result and
your soon come orgasm
depicts you as drowning
while your manhood
goes limp.
sultry syllables and
vulgar vowels slip
from in between my
lips as youre seeking
refuge of yourself
deeply in the wet
walls of solace that
is provided from my
slit and there,
my lips tightly wrap
themselves around the
surface of a softness
of a skin thats
displayed as the
physical manifestation
of an erect adrenaline rush,
but rush you do not
as you taunt time to
be stretched as i am
becoming and coming
i came in result and
your soon come orgasm
depicts you as drowning
while your manhood
goes limp.
we bathed
[january.23.2008.4:05pm]
your scent soaks
into my skin;
my tongue tip
toes across my
canvas,
savoring the
taste you bear.
on im turning as
flames of candles
are licking their
heat on the balls
of my heels.
my limp body
allows you to
cradle me in between
your legs;
the nape of my
neck touching so
lustfully against
your loins.
your questions
begin to be posed
in hopes of
penetrating your
curiosity left
unanswered;
im retorting in
a silence that
loudly echoes itself
amongst the tile
wall.
soap fails to cleanse
our shared confusion
and a tub draining
leaves behind a ring.
weve cuddled in
a nameless love
that neither of
us can claim,
but in it,
we bathed.
your scent soaks
into my skin;
my tongue tip
toes across my
canvas,
savoring the
taste you bear.
on im turning as
flames of candles
are licking their
heat on the balls
of my heels.
my limp body
allows you to
cradle me in between
your legs;
the nape of my
neck touching so
lustfully against
your loins.
your questions
begin to be posed
in hopes of
penetrating your
curiosity left
unanswered;
im retorting in
a silence that
loudly echoes itself
amongst the tile
wall.
soap fails to cleanse
our shared confusion
and a tub draining
leaves behind a ring.
weve cuddled in
a nameless love
that neither of
us can claim,
but in it,
we bathed.
the drive to the flight
[january.23.2008.3:50pm]
a well of experiences,
mistakes, lessons learned;
a well i yearn to suck dry
and to literally suck dry.
sexually compatible: an understatement
mentally stimulated: an insatiable necessity
you blanket me in an
uncertain faux security
that i allow my false
faith to materialize
which in turn numbs all
rationale.
watching pulp fiction
through our laughters
love diction.
the travel there
consisted of heavy
words spoken beyond
our limit yet the silence
that was given led to
spaces of feelings felt
unexpressed and broken
speech left unfinished.
a well of experiences,
mistakes, lessons learned;
a well i yearn to suck dry
and to literally suck dry.
sexually compatible: an understatement
mentally stimulated: an insatiable necessity
you blanket me in an
uncertain faux security
that i allow my false
faith to materialize
which in turn numbs all
rationale.
watching pulp fiction
through our laughters
love diction.
the travel there
consisted of heavy
words spoken beyond
our limit yet the silence
that was given led to
spaces of feelings felt
unexpressed and broken
speech left unfinished.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
smirk
[january.22.2008.2:35pm.est]
the smirk that
flirts on the
lips of his mouth
brings me to a
time before i was
born;
a time i question
if his smirk
still holds the
same effect it has
on me on women that
it entranced then.
his smirk plays on
his lips in the
fashion my tongue
has traced them
and if his smirk
had a taste,
id want to savor
more.
in all truth,
when we speak
again through
the distance
that well travel
to in our respective
places of space,
my eyes will be
closed as i allow
my mind to envisage
his soft lips turning
up in that nonchalant,
often times confusing
yet charming smirk.
the smirk that
flirts on the
lips of his mouth
brings me to a
time before i was
born;
a time i question
if his smirk
still holds the
same effect it has
on me on women that
it entranced then.
his smirk plays on
his lips in the
fashion my tongue
has traced them
and if his smirk
had a taste,
id want to savor
more.
in all truth,
when we speak
again through
the distance
that well travel
to in our respective
places of space,
my eyes will be
closed as i allow
my mind to envisage
his soft lips turning
up in that nonchalant,
often times confusing
yet charming smirk.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
her diction
[january.17.2008.7:07pm.est]
wanting me to
fuck him.
i did so clothed;
he questioned how.
words loose from
my tongue penetrated
inside of his ear as
saliva made whipsers
so smooth seep into
his minds reasoning.
my tongue lightly
traced the outline
of his lobes as
he moaned in pleasure
begging me to fuck
his remaining orifices.
words serve as paints;
his mental the canvas.
my tongue uttered
rustles of enticement,
he prostrates.
i fed his ear
decorated nouns
with adjectival
phrases of sultry
origins,
head he gives.
all this done
without lying
on my back.
some women allow their
vaginas to hold control
of a mans dick.
yet few fail to
learn, obtain,
apply the power of
a womans diction.
wanting me to
fuck him.
i did so clothed;
he questioned how.
words loose from
my tongue penetrated
inside of his ear as
saliva made whipsers
so smooth seep into
his minds reasoning.
my tongue lightly
traced the outline
of his lobes as
he moaned in pleasure
begging me to fuck
his remaining orifices.
words serve as paints;
his mental the canvas.
my tongue uttered
rustles of enticement,
he prostrates.
i fed his ear
decorated nouns
with adjectival
phrases of sultry
origins,
head he gives.
all this done
without lying
on my back.
some women allow their
vaginas to hold control
of a mans dick.
yet few fail to
learn, obtain,
apply the power of
a womans diction.
[december.31.2007.??:??]
our breaths are taken to the
rhythm of the soft beats of our
hearts as they play on the drum born of our silence
as my limp limbs cradle your calm body
and through the very contact our souls make,
the physical becomes obsolete because as naked
our truth may lie in a bed soiled with sin,
for void of fallace,
our souls so quietly mate
as it is you're my soulmate.
our breaths are taken to the
rhythm of the soft beats of our
hearts as they play on the drum born of our silence
as my limp limbs cradle your calm body
and through the very contact our souls make,
the physical becomes obsolete because as naked
our truth may lie in a bed soiled with sin,
for void of fallace,
our souls so quietly mate
as it is you're my soulmate.
an hour
[january.17.2008.5:57pm.est]
"• noun: distance measured by the time taken to cover it"
-rhyme.poetry.com
an hour was
given for me
to determine
whether or not
four years would
further into time
or would cease,
be put to an end
due to my
negligence of
caring to coddle
ones insecurities.
four years teetered
on your balance's scales
that were unequally
weighing my love.
your intuition
is just as my own
so the lies i told
were seen as they
were.
seventeen voicemails:
audio warnings of
a love soon to go awry.
but you fail to
see that i emotionally
desert others before
they come to exercise
thoughts of physically
leaving me.
"• noun: distance measured by the time taken to cover it"
-rhyme.poetry.com
an hour was
given for me
to determine
whether or not
four years would
further into time
or would cease,
be put to an end
due to my
negligence of
caring to coddle
ones insecurities.
four years teetered
on your balance's scales
that were unequally
weighing my love.
your intuition
is just as my own
so the lies i told
were seen as they
were.
seventeen voicemails:
audio warnings of
a love soon to go awry.
but you fail to
see that i emotionally
desert others before
they come to exercise
thoughts of physically
leaving me.
thee love whore
[january.17.2008.1:56pm.est]
"its a dangerous necessity, a world famous mystery...love."
-mos def
i will have your love
without your consent.
others blood stains
the palm of my hand
as the grasp that holds
their hearts captive
doesnt give way.
love crusader,
heart slayer,
emotional player.
ironic how the
lies i tell are in
the name of love.
the many men all
adore his self
acclaimed, self
named love whore.
"its a dangerous necessity, a world famous mystery...love."
-mos def
i will have your love
without your consent.
others blood stains
the palm of my hand
as the grasp that holds
their hearts captive
doesnt give way.
love crusader,
heart slayer,
emotional player.
ironic how the
lies i tell are in
the name of love.
the many men all
adore his self
acclaimed, self
named love whore.
home
[january.17.2008.1:47pm.est]
"i love new york and new york loves me. i love getting on
that red-eye and landing at 7 or 8 am, whether its winter
or summer. i love turning on Hot 97 and knowing that i'm back in new
york. it's the greatest city in the world. i fell in love with new
york before i even went there"
-kanye
• noun: a place where something began and flourished
the beast
[january.17.2008.1:34pm.est]
ears yearning to
be mute;
the acoustic
qualities of the
hallway allowed
the fray to leak under
my door;
entered sounds
of voices full of such
hate,
anguish,
rage.
the ocean fell
from her eyes
but my own held
back the rush of
waves that begged
for a blink to give
way.
shudders ran deep
through my consciousness;
shoved onto the back
shelves of my memory
as a reminder of what
a beast i never want to
become.
ears yearning to
be mute;
the acoustic
qualities of the
hallway allowed
the fray to leak under
my door;
entered sounds
of voices full of such
hate,
anguish,
rage.
the ocean fell
from her eyes
but my own held
back the rush of
waves that begged
for a blink to give
way.
shudders ran deep
through my consciousness;
shoved onto the back
shelves of my memory
as a reminder of what
a beast i never want to
become.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
the torn effect
[january.16.2008.12:28am.est]
not split
in half,
but resting
in the palms of
two different
owners whose
grasps differ
in strength,
passion.
it was destined
to belong to
many a people
simultaneously.
just hurts when
it feels like its
being torn,
ripped,
shredded to a
beatless pulp.
not split
in half,
but resting
in the palms of
two different
owners whose
grasps differ
in strength,
passion.
it was destined
to belong to
many a people
simultaneously.
just hurts when
it feels like its
being torn,
ripped,
shredded to a
beatless pulp.
Monday, January 14, 2008
red eye thoughts
[january.14.2008.6:49pm.EST]
i could read our
love story in the
words the stars
wrote for us.
from up here,
thoughts of you
keep me secure
if this seatbelt
chose to give
way.
they held hands;
an old love was
hidden in their
palms yet i
didnt feel shut
out from it;
i want that for us:
a hand held love
that we maintain
to hold on to
through our lives
as time brings us
to our elderly ages.
my fear of flying
alone took flight
from my psyche as
i felt love gently
caress me...
even though you
werent there
holding my
hand.
i could read our
love story in the
words the stars
wrote for us.
from up here,
thoughts of you
keep me secure
if this seatbelt
chose to give
way.
they held hands;
an old love was
hidden in their
palms yet i
didnt feel shut
out from it;
i want that for us:
a hand held love
that we maintain
to hold on to
through our lives
as time brings us
to our elderly ages.
my fear of flying
alone took flight
from my psyche as
i felt love gently
caress me...
even though you
werent there
holding my
hand.
for warren hearl
sun rays warms
sunlit kissed arms
to loop loosely around
the frame of the lover
who stands in summers
embrace.
intimacy captured like
this causes thoughts to
linger on many
summer suns that have
set.
in their absence,
their presence is missed;
love filled memories
marquee across ones eyes
as the mind chooses to
allow itself to
reminisce.
summer is a soon
to dwindle lust as it
dies into the coldness
of a bitter winter that
bites at all had
heat.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
my sensual plaything
[january.9.2008.6:57pm]
i find solace as i rest
my face in between
the length of rich
chocolate pillars that
join to conceal the
valley where her
flavorful secrets
lie and lies were told
to mask my curious
passion that calls me
to venture here in the
shadows that our
sheets provide as guilt
bleeds over our two
bodies that tussle and
tease while nervous
hands caress chests
that heave and yet my
imagination lends me
this canvas to paint;
experience is what lacks.
i find solace as i rest
my face in between
the length of rich
chocolate pillars that
join to conceal the
valley where her
flavorful secrets
lie and lies were told
to mask my curious
passion that calls me
to venture here in the
shadows that our
sheets provide as guilt
bleeds over our two
bodies that tussle and
tease while nervous
hands caress chests
that heave and yet my
imagination lends me
this canvas to paint;
experience is what lacks.
moving...no, continuing
[january.9.2008.3:24pm]
"...the cause seduces but the self-interest secures the deal..."
-robert greene
allowed your words were
to run licks on the lobes of
my ears,
to sleezily snare my minds
choice of analyzing said lies
yet I found myself in a space
in suspense waiting to eat
such fruit from seeds planted
by you.
never in doubt your talents reside,
but absent were the rewards.
my attention you have not;
ill be in the space where you so
long for me not to be.
the flush of excitement is over;
interest has flagged.
"...the cause seduces but the self-interest secures the deal..."
-robert greene
allowed your words were
to run licks on the lobes of
my ears,
to sleezily snare my minds
choice of analyzing said lies
yet I found myself in a space
in suspense waiting to eat
such fruit from seeds planted
by you.
never in doubt your talents reside,
but absent were the rewards.
my attention you have not;
ill be in the space where you so
long for me not to be.
the flush of excitement is over;
interest has flagged.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
this time last year; same seen...
[january.8.2008.11:24pm]
"forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wait"
-the fray
the day that rests
in between the past
and future sat by my side
waiting for you to join us
in bringing in new suns to
be put to sunset in another
year that'll cease to yield
time.
holding me at arms distance;
forever playing me close.
questions are never asked.
motives never questioned.
absence never interrupted.
'the lone wolf' you said,
but all wolves have a pack.
and from afar,
through distance,
in different loves,
beating in other hearts,
forever ill look after you.
"forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wait"
-the fray
the day that rests
in between the past
and future sat by my side
waiting for you to join us
in bringing in new suns to
be put to sunset in another
year that'll cease to yield
time.
holding me at arms distance;
forever playing me close.
questions are never asked.
motives never questioned.
absence never interrupted.
'the lone wolf' you said,
but all wolves have a pack.
and from afar,
through distance,
in different loves,
beating in other hearts,
forever ill look after you.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
genuinely green
[january.3.2008.10:24am]
"wow, you know what I just realized?
you're hella like one of my best friends..."
-Kaleb
green irises melt
into the brown
ones that I own.
laughs dance on the
rims of lips parting to
give way to such a
pure expression of how
calm,
at ease,
we are with one another.
unspoken words emerge
from behind loose tongues;
a familairity rests in our
silent nonverbal speech.
prior lessons of
self-protection are unlearned;
trust is born from the
solace you provide me.
you're teaching me friendship
at its best;
please remain genuinely green.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
lies
[january.2.2008.10:15am]
held captive,
bound to my tongue
they remain in regards
of the capabilities they hold of
manifesting into pain destined
for permanancy upon ones
mistake of choosing vulnerability
as opposed to distrust.
theyre made of silk malice;
soft to the ears touch,
yet one fails to realize theyre
everything but.
their constant attempts
to be given as misleading
answers when questions are
asked is a struggle my conscience
suffers from because although the truth
rests in honesty,
youve made it sport for me to
see how easy it is for my words
to lie to you
held captive,
bound to my tongue
they remain in regards
of the capabilities they hold of
manifesting into pain destined
for permanancy upon ones
mistake of choosing vulnerability
as opposed to distrust.
theyre made of silk malice;
soft to the ears touch,
yet one fails to realize theyre
everything but.
their constant attempts
to be given as misleading
answers when questions are
asked is a struggle my conscience
suffers from because although the truth
rests in honesty,
youve made it sport for me to
see how easy it is for my words
to lie to you
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