letter of forever

Michael,

you're the love,
the reason,
the truth of the end of time and since time had been proven to never cease,
forever will remain ours;
you'll transcend through death to always be a significant factor in my life.

in this collection of thoughts displayed as words,
i am attempting to convey to you how i feel about us,
what makes me love you so and ultimately,
to ensure and validate the position you've held in my life even through all the senseless decisions i've made since our genesis.

i've loved you since i was fifteen,
during the time i masked myself as someone else,
during the period of the darkest moments i've ever experienced.
i was carrying the burden of a heavy past and growing to learn to love me and to access a genius i held beyond my years in such a short time.

i love you hard and it comes easy,
natural,
without force.

there have been decisions i've made in life that has shaped the way we interact now. since the beginning,
i've always told myself i'd never have you, that you never wanted me and that you weren't expected to hold a sense of commitment to what you and i began to explore.

i did this in the name of self protection; something that i've learned to do throughout my entire life because all i encounter,
all i live to love somehow someway,
have hurt me;
either that be directly or indirectly.

and what i failed to realize was that you'd never hurt me through your genuine espression of how purely you love.

in reality,
you can't relate to the shit i've been through.
you can't identify with the love i was loved with and since this is true,
you're able to offer me the love i never received.

so,
in the complexity of my love for you,
there are times when i'm vulnerable and in a way,
i'm your daughter;
when all i can focus on is wanting to be held and cradled and spoken softly to;
things i can't recall having been given.

there's also moments with you when i feel inadequate with my sexuality because in truth,
you intimidate me and that's something i've never been comfortable with;
no man intimidates me.
you do because you know how to
tame,
tease,
taunt,
touch,
tantilize the woman that rests in the center of the cage of adulthood i'm so trapped inside of.

for you,
ill submit,
surrender.

you give me reason to never doubt how pure what i have to offer to the world in its entirety truly is.

i can't make myself ten years older no matter how long i've exercised my mind with such a possibility.

you're meant to be 14 years my senior and i was born for you to have,
hold,
teach,
love and
watch prosper.

i look to you and see my future.
i see them in you.
them: my children.

i used to not know my worth,
i used to not value my worth,
but now,
i understand my worth and know that no longer will i begin relationships that'll expire too soon for real love to be made all in fleet of such raw,
real,
relative
love you give me.

Michael,
i love you and that includes your flaws,
your mishaps,
your arrogance,
your intellect,
your compassion,
truth,
love,
sincerity,
apathy,
friendship,
dominanace,
vulnerability and the extent of what is to be said,
your companionship.